No Bullies
Thank God we did not take selfies in the early 1980s. Otherwise someone could blackmail me with photos of me wearing pink pants, suspenders, and argyle socks (don’t judge). It is safe to say I was a confused, rebellious, pseudo-Pentecostal, adolescent, who had just discovered Led Zeppelin and marijuana. Although the following could easily be a scene from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” don’t mistake the chaos in this story for anything other than the disoriented stumbling of a lost 15-year-old, because to this day, I cannot explain what I was thinking.
I had just bought my first bag of Maui Wowi and it was safely tucked away in my pants, where most guys keep their stash. Pink pants and all, I crawled into the backseat of my friend’s 1968 Camaro and the four of us took off to get something to eat. Within a minute of hopping on the Pomona Freeway, we saw blue flashing lights and foolishly decided to wait until the next off-ramp to pullover. We were met by no less than three cop cars on our exit. I was a nervous wreck when they pulled us from the vehicle because of the huge bag of weed in my possession.
You could say the devil made me do it, but as the officer slid his hands up the inside of my leg approaching my crotch looking for contraband, I wiggled my hips and said, “that feels good.” He stopped searching me and grabbed my hair smashing my face on the trunk of the car and yelled, “Hey Faggot! How Do You Like That?” I tried not to smile in victory when he pushed me down on the side of the road to sit by my friends (stash intact).
Aside from the typical teenage slurs like homo, fag, c@ck-sucker and such, I had little exposure to gay bullying, but now reflecting on this incident as an adult, I realize this cop was WAY out of line. Approximately 30% of teen suicides are connected to a sexual identity crisis. It would seem that the church would want to step up and be a beacon of hope to these young people struggling with trying to figure out who they are in life, but unfortunately, many Christians are part of the problem. It is not uncommon to hear jokes from the pulpit ridiculing homosexuality and the LGBTQ community. Don’t be like that cop, and bully someone because he or she is not like you. Do you tolerate the use of derogatory language in your youth group? Do you encourage discrimination in your church? If so, is that the kind of gospel you want to preach?
Aside from the medically obvious LGBTQIA persons (e.g. ambiguous genitalia– ask any nursery nurse), we remain overly critical toward child abuse victims. We are all human and most have an inconsolable need for touch, love, and compassion. As a woman, I can only speak as such; though men may share the story. A girl-child touched inappropriately, selfishly, painfully, carries that shame and all those questions and accusations forever. We grew up in an age where we were told our husbands were abusing because we “talked back,” our marriages were ruined because we went to school or worked, adults touched us, fondled us, because we were seductive, smiled to ofter, tempted THEM– the perpetrators. (I’ll refrain from the slew of foul language that comes to mind and choose not to diminish myself for THEM.)
THEY are relentless. THEY drug their wives with Benedryl and other so-easy-to-get OTC meds, you name it. As a nurse, I could knock a horse out any given day without much pomp and circumstance. You’ll wake up and you’ll hear stories, then you’ll look at the whole picture and feel confused, abused. You’ll live in your own movie, staring down and what you thought your family was. So just remember, your complacent Grandma may have been truly unaware, even lying next to you. Family members cannot bear the shame of it, so they deny, deny, deny, and blame, blame, blame. It’s must easier to control a helpless child with shaming, than an adult. Of course, it’s your fault! You grew breast, damn you! You laid there in your boy scout uniform so sweet and innocent and said nothing! You sat on my leg while a bounced you around and I knew your cries of “No!” meant “Yes!”
My all time favorite perpetrator comment, “The devil made me do it.” I scoot my 4-wheeled stool as close as I can get to this naked THING right up in their face, give them the deepest stare I can muster, create a slow burn of pure terror, while a dangle my 8 inch q-tip swabs from my gloved, sterile hands in front of their eyes and say, “I’m going to take my 8-inch swabs and cram them up the Devil’s urethra now.” Just telling someone what I really do made me feel ashamed for a long time. I wanted to be compassionate and loving, live my philosophy, be my authentic self, but even that was stolen from me. It took years and years to say, I believe I have righteous anger. I believe that God gave each of gifts. Mine is sitting with parents of a dying child and holding them tight without tears, so they don’t feel sorry for me, The Nurse. It’s letting a child molester know they killed the soul of a child. Someday the soul might enter that child again and she’ll come back into herself, into her own body instead of her own movie, and make what she can out of her life. She’ll look out of her own eyes and see what a wonderful woman she is, despite her fears and shortcomings, and the people staring at her, thinking she’s not perfect. Those that talk behind their hand and point their invisible fingers. She might love a woman or live with cats. Because it’s TOO HARD too love a man. That was ruined for her– or him. He loved a man, he was jealous, he loved men because now he was too ashamed to love a woman, to terrified. So life begins again…
We should wrap our church arms around these lost souls. We should close our eyes and let the pain seep into our arms and hold it in our heart. We should do the same for those Moms and Grandmas that were victims of The Creeps. No one is blameless, but everyone is crushed. Personally, I choose to bounce on a few non-threatening laps and laugh, unless I have my big Q-tips. I’m not sure who that is–Jesus or the Devil–But she ROARs. You better run.
I’m in agreement I know of people who are afraid to fall in love so they just “love” on everything in site weather it be male or female. I agree that these people need someone to show them the only true love God’s love. However I don’t think we as Christians can condone being gay it’s a sin. However I think the problem is most people make it a bigger sin than so many others, when sin is just that sin. I think we should say it’s wrong just as sleeping with anyone outside of marriage. It’s also wrong, to lie, gossip, cheat, covet, steal and many other things. I can’t figure out why people hold this sin at such a higher standard. We won’t be around you if your gay but come around all you want if your a liar; when they are listed together (along with 5 other things) in the bible as being an abomination to God. Anyway there’s my two cents